Creating Great Conversations
Hello again, dear readers. Glad to see you here. I’m Lenny Ravich, author of the bestselling book “Everlasting Optimism” and humorous, inspirational keynote speaker in London and Hong Kong.
At 86 life becomes a movie. I went to my doctor to have him look at my left breast which became almost twice as large as my right one. He calmly stated that it’s normal for guys my age to lose testosterone; ergo, one large breast. I said, “Doc, I lost my testosterone when I got married.”
In my last post, I spoke about trying to discover what people value most in order to best serve them. So, let’s give it a try.
Giving is Receiving
Receiving is all about giving. Does this sound paradoxical? Well, in our world today it might be. But the first truth of achieving lasting gratification is to give something of value to others. Last week at our 57th wedding anniversary I asked my wife for a hug. She asked, “Does that mean I have to hug you back?” I said, “Yeah, I think that how it works.”
Giving Your Presence
Do you know the greatest thing you can give any person? YOUR PRESENCE. Dr. Bernie Segal the author of “Love, Medicine and Miracles” once told us at his workshop, “The greatest gift I ever gave a human being was to be present when they needed me.”
Being present for someone doesn’t mean offering advice, cracking jokes or making suggestions. It means simply being with a person and listening and sharing in the present moment. When you start to become intellectual or logical, you’ve lost contact. A message from the heart will be received by the heart. A message from the brain will be received by the butt. I asked my daughter if she remembers my ever being present with her. She said, “No. I don’t remember you buying me a present lately.” Oh, well.
Being in The Moment
Connection with another is being in the moment with that person. This is our purpose in life, and if you can give it, you are proposing a talent greater than all the gold in the world. It’s the very first thing we need in order to survive and flourish. We were born to connect with another.
When relating to someone new or familiar, try to focus on them. Ask them “What fascinated you today?’ or “What delighted you today?” And listen deeply. Whenever possible say, “interesting…what else?” But be careful. They may respond by asking you the same question and… DUH!
We All Need Confirmation
Listen to the other to the depths of your being. You not only offer decent health by your connection, you also offer confirmation. This is the feeling that we are okay the way we are. We all crave validation since it is the most basic need of our soul. Our greatest fear as human beings is the dread that we will be rejected, criticized, judged or compared. When I was a child my father would emphasize that if I would continue to masturbate I would become feeble-minded. I asked him if I could just continue until I began to slur my speech. I told this to my shrink and she was silent, but with obvious compassion. That, to me was confirmation.
Having No Agenda
Wanting nothing else than to share this moment will motivate anyone with whom you speak to get closer to you since you are genuinely interested in who they are and what they do. It will give you the opportunity to avoid your own “ego” traps and it will provide you the chance to offer the greatest bent of all which is the question you pose, “Is there any way I can support or serve you?”
Unfortunately, with the habit of text messaging and tweets, our communication has excelled but our human connection has dwindled. Looking into each other’s eyes, touching and hugging are infinitely healthier than clicking “like” on Facebook. I was having a conversation with my son when looked away to answer a call on his phone. I picked up my phone and called his number. “Why are you calling me,” he inquired? “Because I want to talk with you,” I smiled.
I’m not pooh-poohing digital communication. I think it is wonderful, and it has advanced our civilization immensely but it is neither to be confused with nor to be replaced by a true human, face-to-face contact. It’s the nourishing relationship that is the key to long-lasting happiness.
When addressing my audiences in London and Hong Kong, I begin by asking, “What is the most important thing you could take into your lives today?” I like to establish the kind of relationship that enhances our personal growth, which I will talk about in my next blog.
See you then. Oh, and how can I serve you?